Take the steps before it gets dark
Being in a relationship is like travelling on a highway,going on a journey towards a destination.And like any other journey, it will never be a smooth ride.
Do you remember the day when you realized how you’re in love with someone and its feels great to be in a relationship? Aah, everything is wonderful and you even see life differently(it’s all butterflies and sunshine).
Do you remember the moment when you packing your bag in the car,getting ready to hop in and on the adventure? But like any other ‘adventure’,eventually you’ll get tired, and need a place to stop and rest.Same goes when you’re in a relationship.After a while of sweetness and thousands of ‘I-love-you’s’, both of you will get tired.Especially when everything goes routine in the relationship-you know, its like saying ‘good morning’ in the morning, asking whats for lunch at lunch time and hows dinner at dinner times. Weekends? You guys go on date which basically means more dinner.
Then you start to get worried and question yourself,sometimes,even questioning your partner because you feel like there’s something wrong with that relationship.The ’spark’ is not there anymore.
You know you have to do something.You start to look for ‘reasons’ why you are feeling this way.You started to look for flaws and that is not good. Even simple things like ‘you’re doing too much work” or ” you’re too close with your best friend” can be the cause for the relationship to be gloomy
What you need to do is to take better steps in dealing the situation. Steps that will somehow inject back that ’spark’ that you need in your relationship.You need to start fresh and here are 5 crucial steps to be taken.
1. Understand what went routine.
Anything that you do,no matter how much you are crazy for it in the beginning, will eventually becomes a routine or somewhat boring.Unfortunately,relationship is also the victim of this.So, first step,ask yourself, what goes routine?
What is it that you always do, but you don’t feel like doing it anymore, but you don’t want to stop doing it because that would be not ‘normal’ (or might hurt your partner’s feeling?). In other words, you’re doing it because you feel like you ‘have’ to.
I remember the time when I feel so boring to go out and watch movies together but I don’t want to say no, so I just follow through. Dont get me wrong, I love movies, and it’s not like I don’t want to spend time with my partner. I just want to do something else. Which leads to step two. Read on.
2. Have a positive talk.
I mentioned the word ‘positive’ because I don’t want you to go to your partner and tell that you’re bored or he/she is boring. That will only lead into quarrel and negative result. Trust me, at times like this, thats the least you want. Since you know whats the routine, its time to plan to break the pattern. Instead of pointing to the problem, point to the solution.
For all the routine you and your partner always do, well, stop doing it for a while, will you?
3.Plan for alternatives.
What is it that you want to do but you keep putting yourself from doing it? Now is the best time for you to do it. Dont worry about whether your partner will like your plan or not, just go for it. Next time you guys can do something that maybe your partner love doing. For example, maybe this week,you can drag your partner to go for a jogging date in the park, and next time maybe you can follow your partner go surfing.
Write it down in a list. Write down at least 10 things to do. Hey, now you don’t have to worry what to do for the next 10 dates.
(Suggestion : you can write a list on what to do and keep it in a journal/blog. Add pictures/videos on each of the activities you guys did together. It will be something you can look back and laugh together)
4. Schedule and commit to the plan.
Whats the point of having a list but not following it? I know sometimes you can be busy, but this is your relationship and I don’t think you should delay your plan. Do it while it’s still ‘hot’ in your mind.
(suggestion: you can use Google Calendar to plan the list. So if you are far away from each other, you guys can still have access to the calendar and edit accordingly. It’s a great tool. Check it out)
5.Time to look back.
I presumed at this step, you already done a few things you and your partner planned together. If not, go and get something done! But if you did some,congratulations. Now look back and talk with your partner, how he or she feels? Is the relationship getting better? Do you guys manage to break the routine?
I hope that you guys can work something out. Relationship is a beautiful thing. And even diamond needs to be polished after a while. Remember, when you’re on that ‘highway’, you need to stop and refuel. Same goes with your relationship.
On my next post under RelationshipTalk,I will give out some ideas on what to do other than the normal routine of dinner and movies for your next date. Do you have any ideas that you think i should add in that post? Write me in the comment section below.
January 21st, 2010 → 11:10 am @ AidilFS
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